"Do you know how your babies are doing?"

When I got this text message from my beloved cousin today, I started to laugh...was she trying to tell me I'm expecting twins??? I started to reply asking her this very question, when it hit me what she was really asking...

She was asking if I knew how my HAITIAN babies are...remember them, Ti Pot and Jinette? I immediately dropped to my knees, giving thanks to the Lord!

While I have been crying over the devastation in Haiti for the last two days, grateful to hear that there were no lives lost at the orphanage I visited 2-1/2 years ago, I had not stopped to rejoice that "my babies" aren't even in Haiti!

Back in October...October 12th to be specific...I was getting ready to head to bed when I thought "Maybe I'll just check email one more time..." and as clear as I've ever heard the Lord I heard Him say "Not tonight". And, off to bed I went.

The next morning I had a positive home pregnancy test...followed by a trip to David's office to share the news...followed by a trip to the doctor's office to have a blood test, which confirmed that I was (and still am) pregnant. Great rejoicing!

It wasn't until I got back home after lunch that I looked at my email...and lo and behold, the night before, I had received an email from my friend, Marlaine, who runs the orphanage in Haiti telling me that Ti Pot and Jinette had been adopted that day (10/12) and were leaving Haiti in the morning (10/13).

What amazing kindness the Lord showed me! If I had read that email the night before, I would have cried the night away...BUT, in His perfect timing I didn't read it until after I found out that I'm having a baby of my own. I had total peace that Ti Pot and Jinette were where they need to be (wherever that is, I don't know) and that I am now having the baby He has designed for me.

Isn't He SO good?

Today as I realized what my cousin's text meant, I was again floored by God's kindness and mercy...wherever my Haitian babies are, they are not in Haiti. They are safe. They may be crying over the news of Haiti...but they have a mom and a dad to comfort them and hold them and to teach them that God SURELY has a plan for their lives...He rescued them from that disaster before it ever happened. Oh how I wish I could watch their lives unfold! But, I guess I'll just have to wait until eternity to hear the whole story!

And, while we're talking about Haiti...please do pray for those who are still there. While I was most attached to Ti Pot and Jinette, there are MANY Haitian babies that I carry in my heart, and hope to see again on this earth. They are scared to pieces right now...may God comfort them through this time of trial.

6 weeks, 5 days

It's a horrible picture, I know...but it's the best I can do right now.

It was SO exciting at my sonogram this afternoon...I not only got to SEE the baby's heartbeat, but I got to HEAR the baby's heartbeat. When we had Brianna's sonogram (13 years ago!) sonograms weren't quite so high tech, I could only see her heartbeat. When the nurse practitioner (Wendy) turned on the sound I was so surprised!

SO, baby's heart rate was about 140, good and strong.

David wasn't able to be with me today, but my friend Erin went with me. She can't wait to tell the baby one day "I saw you when you were in your mommy's belly!"

Today has been a day full of opportunities to trust in a faithful God...I didn't do so well at every turn, but in the end, He has proven Himself faithful in all areas. Shocker! ;D

Our baby's first bedroom...

Well, we had a sonogram on Monday, which showed the baby's first bedroom, otherwise known as the sac. I know, it's not a great picture, but I took a picture of the little paper they sent us home with, so it's the best we got. And since you probably wouldn't know what you were looking at, I added the arrow to point to the sac. It looks like a little black hole.

Dr. Lapiri said he thought he could see "a little grain of rice" coming in and out of view, but it's just too small to capture on the picture. According to the size of the sac I would be about 5 weeks and 2 days, but he is waiting until next week to measure the baby before assigning an official date.

It's amazing...at the last sonogram on 10/16 they couldn't see the sac yet...and next week they'll be able to see the baby in the sac...it's just incredible how God does it! The baby's size is multiplying by thousands of times each week...just amazing!

We go back next Monday for our next sonogram...We'll let you know how it goes!

A whole new season...

Well, last Tuesday(10/13/09) was a very exciting day! (As I'm sure you can see from the picture.)

I got up just as David left for work and took the test. As it was "processing" I washed up and brushed my teeth. Then I went back to it and couldn't believe my eyes! I kept turning it in all different directions trying to make sure I wasn't misreading it...the last time I had a positive test was in 1996! And there have been MANY negative tests since David and I got married in March of 2008. But, not this time, it really had a positive result!

"What do I do?!" was what I was screaming inside my head. I wanted David to be the first to know, but Brianna would ask me the result and I would either have to lie or...there really was no or, she would SEE the answer on my face. SO, while she was in the shower, I ran around a little crazy.

First, I got my cell phone and took a picture to show David, but that didn't come out clear enough. Then I got the digital camera and got a decent shot. Then I ran to the bedroom and threw on shorts and a t-shirt (yes, we can wear those here, at least on this particular day). And just as Brianna came out of the bathroom I told her I was going to the store for an item she needed. Which wasn't a lie, I just didn't tell her I was going to David's office first. =D

And, off I went. It was 8:15.

On the way I decided to try calling the doctor's office, although I did not know if they would even be open. They were! So I told them about the positive test and they said come in and have a blood draw and have results before the end of the day. OK!

As I was approaching David's office I tried calling his cell phone, I was going to ask him to come out to the parking lot, but he couldn't answer. So when I got there I went in, and thankfully no one else was in the entry way. I walked right to his office, just as he was hanging up the phone. I sat down across from his desk. He was telling me that call was why he couldn't answer my call...and then inquired as to what brought me there. I turned on the camera, brought up the picture, got up from the chair, and held it out to him - viewer side facing him.

He was looking at it, tried a few different angles, and finally whispered "So, is it negative?" I shook my head. "So, is it positive?" I nodded my head. "Really?" More nodding.

David came around the desk and wrapped his arms around me. yada yada yada

I told him about the blood test, and obviously we decided to wait to tell Brianna and anyone else until we got those results. And then, after a few moments off I went to the doctor's office.

At about 2:30 the nurse called and said "Congratulations!" And went on to tell me to come in on Friday (10/16/09) for a sonogram. Then I called David, who couldn't pick up. But just a few minutes later he called back and I was able to tell him it was positive. He asked if I had told Brianna, and I said no, and then he had to go. So, I went and told Brianna. She was SO excited! She just kept running around all afternoon saying "Mommy, you're pregnant!" or "Mommy, you're having a baby!" She is just too cute!

Once David got home we each got on the phone and started making calls...and pretty much didn't see much of each other until bedtime. He kept going outside to talk on his phone, and I stayed inside on mine. Obviously everyone we spoke to was thrilled. My mom said "I have been praying every night for this." And Tracy screamed and jumped up and down, at least it sounded like she did. And then she said "Who can I tell?" And after negotiating, we settled on the 4 folks she could be the one to tell. All I really know about the folks David spoke to is that "they are excited". lol That was his answer for everyone I asked about.

Oh, wait, there was one call I got to hear David's side of...When David called his brother, Michael, I got to listen in. David called him and said "I wanted to let you know, Colleen's having a puppy." (Old family joke...when David's mom was pregnant with David, Michael decided he wanted it to be a puppy.)

Needless to say, we all spent time thanking God before we went to bed...

One of the most precious things of the day was when Brianna said "I'm getting everything I ever asked for." Translation, "We moved to Florida, I got a dad, I have a big back yard with lots of trees and stuff, I got a puppy, and now I'm getting a sibling."

Even with all the excitement, I must confess that I did fight the temptation to be fearful. I had a miscarriage before Brianna, now I'm a whole lot older, blah, blah, blah. But God was faithful to remind me of that first pregnancy. I got up early one morning and was led by the Holy Spirit to pray a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord. I told the Lord how grateful I was to be chosen to add a soul to His kingdom, whether I got to hold that soul in this life or not. No matter what, that soul was created, and I was honored to be part of it. It was later that day I found out there was no heartbeat. And I had SUCH PEACE knowing that I could never have prayed what I did if the Holy Spirit had not led me to...knowing that He had prepared my heart for what was to come.

I did spend some time praying for this baby too...I don't know what the Lord's plan is...But I do know this. There is a reason I found out on this very day that I am pregnant...just a couple of hours before I found out that "my two kids" in Haiti were THIS VERY DAY leaving Haiti with their new family. Again, God was preparing my heart for what was to come.

Like I said, I don't know what God's plan is...but I do know this...

He has always been faithful to me!

Psalm 139

Have you been through Psalm 139 lately? Or ever? I first read it in the fall of 1997 because someone pointed out "it's about how God knows you because He fashioned you".

For 12 years this has probably been the most comforting passage of Scripture to me. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, God is there. Whether I'm sick or in pain, God knows every fiber of my being...and He is there. Whether I know what the next step is or not...He is there. "Your love hems me in both behind and before...You have laid Your hand upon me..." Sorry, broke out in song there for a moment. ("Your Hand Upon Me", by Eric Grover, recorded on "No Greater Love CD by Sovereign Grace Music.)

Lately I have felt like a pumpkin thrown into a heap with all the other pumpkins...just rolling around wherever the sway of the pumpkin cart takes me. But the truth is, that even in a heap of pumpkins, to God I am unique! I stand out to Him because He knows me...He made me...And He is the Farmer who grew the pumpkins and put them in the cart, and is causing the sway! Do you know of any farmers who would cause their crop to be ruined? No! Of course not! That would be ridiculous!

You know what this means, don't you?

Even though the rolling around may FEEL uncomfortable...I can trust the Farmer. And so can you!

So, whether it's an impending unknown move...a seemingly wayward child...an actual wayward child...physical ailments that no one can seem to figure out...your baby going off to college...a baby you want but haven't conceived...or too much month at the end of your paycheck, you can trust God! If you are His, His hand is upon you!

Whatever you are struggling with...take it to God...read through Psalm 139...it will all come in to perspective! And then...

REJOICE!

He is Risen!

"He is risen!"

This is my favorite Easter greeting...I love to see who replies "He is risen indeed!" Just imagine walking down the dirt roads in the days after Jesus rose from the dead and instead of saying "Hey" or "How goes it?" or "Hello there" you exclaim to the passers-by "He is risen!" and they exclaim back "He is risen indeed!"

I'm thinking those who initiated that greeting were a lot less likely to forget what He had done for us! I think if I were a passerby, maybe thinking about those things that were weighing me down, and someone greeted me with "He is risen!" I might just put those weighty things in their proper place...At least I hope I would. =D

Here we are 2000 years later, and the simple truth remains...HE IS RISEN! He has conquered sin and death! The work He did at Calvary has not been diminished one bit! We are still free from sin and death! And, He still provides our every (lesser) need after that!

So...what's weighing on you today? Whatever it is, look yourself in the mirror and exclaim:

HE IS RISEN!

If your load does not get lighter, call me and exclaim "He is risen!" and I will remind you "He is risen indeed!" Then I will ask you what burden is heavier than this truth!

Lesson from Habakkuk 3

So often as a parent (these past 12 years) I have noticed that God has made a habit of using my child, her life situations, and yes - even her school work, to teach me something new...

Well, this evening - which has now turned into tomorrow morning - I was preparing tomorrow's school work...The history lesson is on Habakkuk...the assignment? To read Habakkuk 3:17-19, a hymn of praise written to the Lord, and then to write a modernized version of it that would apply to the student's life today. You know, "If the car doesn't start, yet I will rejoice in the Lord..."

So, I went ahead and read the passage...and this is where the Lord said "Are you paying attention?" You see, while Brianna will complete this assignment, it was really ordained for me. Me...who had a temper tantrum in the kitchen Tuesday night, threw things, stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind me.

This is not my norm...So as I sat on the swing in our front yard I was asking "What just happened? Where did that come from?" The Lord was SO kind to not hesitate in answering. I had been walking in fear, and not in perfect love. I had been leaving myself open to the firey darts of the enemy, and I had been bombarded...things like the dishwasher tablet hadn't dissolved even though the dishwasher had been run twice...and the cutting board was melted to the stovetop...and the dinner fell on the floor...it all happened at once, and I took the sinful road instead of the righteous road. And there I found myself, sitting on the swing, in the cold night air...until just a few minutes later when my dear, sweet husband came out, walked across the lawn, sat down beside me, put his arm around me, drew me into his side, and pressed my head to his shoulder. Of course, the fear started melting away...And then he began to speak softly to me...drawing me out...reassuring me...and even correcting me. What an example of Christ-likeness my husband is to me! I am SO grateful for My David!

Well, this evening I met with my home group ladies and we were to come ready to share JUST ONE THING that the Lord is bringing to the surface...Jamey asked the question, and out it came...FEAR. Both Jamey and Erin were able to point me back to the Lord, and my husband, which is always so helpful! We talked about the worst things that could happen...and in light of eternity none of those things I was fearing matter! It's so helpful to gain a divine perspective!

Just two hours later, here I was, organizing the history assignment...MY assignment from the Lord! SO, here goes...Habakkuk Rejoices in the Lord, followed by Colleen Rejoices in the Lord...

Habakkuk Rejoices in the Lord
Though the fig tree should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord;

I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

God, the Lord, is my strength;

He makes my feet like the deer's;

He makes me tread on my high places.

Colleen Rejoices in the Lord

Though the dishwasher isn't washing,
nor does the freezer make ice,
the water is contaminated
and we need a new well,
the mortgage isn't paid
and there be no money in the bank,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
He makes my husband wise like Solomon;
He makes me see with eternal eyes.

What do eternal eyes let me see? It's all God's stuff! He knows what needs to be fixed and what needs to be paid for...And HE has unlimited resources to take care of it all! And however HE chooses to take care of it...is the best for us! So I rejoice! I rejoice because HE IS GOD! I rejoice because HE IS MY PROVIDER! I rejoice because HE did not leave me where I was (in fear) but encouraged my heart and soul, reminding me AGAIN of who HE IS! If He takes interest and care in helping me through my temper tantrum, I can only believe that He takes interest and care in helping me with the rest of what is weighing on me...and this causes my heart to rejoice ALL THE MORE! HE IS SO FAITHFUL!

Are you rejoicing in the Lord today??? If you are struggling to rejoice maybe you could write your own version of this passage to help you along...It sure did work for me!

Sit still, my daughter!

Sit Still

"Ye shall not go out with haste" (Isa. 52:12).

I do not believe that we have begun to understand the marvelous power there is in stillness. We are in such a hurry--we must be doing--so that we are in danger of not giving God a chance to work. You may depend upon it, God never says to us, "Stand still," or "Sit still," or "Be still," unless He is going to do something.

This is our trouble in regard to our Christian life; we want to do something to be Christians when we need to let Him work in us. Do you know how still you have to be when your likeness is being taken?


Now God has one eternal purpose concerning us, and that is that we should be like His Son; and in order that this may be so, we must be passive. We hear so much about activity, may be we need to know what it is to be quiet. --Crumbs


Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
Nor deem these days--these waiting days--as ill!
The One who loves thee best, who plans thy way,
Hath not forgotten thy great need today!
And, if He waits, 'tis sure He waits to prove
To thee, His tender child, His heart's deep love.



Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
Thou longest much to know thy dear Lord's will!
While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way
Corrodingly within, because of His delay
Persuade thyself in simple faith to rest
That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.



Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
Nor move one step, not even one, until
His way hath opened. Then, ah then, how sweet!
How glad thy heart, and then how swift thy feet
Thy inner being then, ah then, how strong!
And waiting days not counted then too long.



Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
What higher service could'st thou for Him fill?
'Tis hard! ah yes! But choicest things must cost!
For lack of losing all how much is lost!
'Tis hard, 'tis true! But then--He giveth grace
To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.
--J. D. Smith


This was my devotional for yesterday from "Streams in the Desert". It so applies to some things going on right now for me, and for Brianna. One of us wants to move on to the next stage already and is having trouble waiting for God to finish His work "here". And one of us wants to stay put and is having trouble waiting for God to reveal whether His work "here" is about to be complete or not...In either case we are daughters who are having trouble sitting calmly still!

We had a long talk this morning about this struggle...and how kind is it of God to bring this devotional in to our lives at just this moment, though I have known about it longer than Brianna has been alive!


We are two ladies who often make things harder than they need to be. "Simple" is not in our genetic makeup...Doing "just one thing" is seemingly impossible most days! Although, I will say, God has been growing us in that area. BUT, there were two lines in the poem that reminded us that there is a simple answer to the question "How do I sit calmly still and wait?"


Persuade thyself in simple faith to rest
That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.


We simply remember who God is, and have faith that He knows, He loves, and He will do the best!


As challenging as we found it reading, and re-reading this poem, we always found solace in the last two lines...


'Tis hard, 'tis true! But then--He giveth grace
To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.

Once again, I was reminded that being a widow for 10 years was hard...but God gave me the grace to walk through it, and what seemed like the hardest place while I was there DOES seem like the sweetest place I've been in my life now because it was there that He performed such an amazing transformation...making me more like His Son.


So, whether I'm waiting to know if I can go forward, or I'm waiting to see if I can stay put, I know that the Lord will be faithful to give me the grace to walk through whatever He deems best for me...And I know He will give me the grace to wait for His path to be revealed...if I will just DO IT.

My girl and her daddy...

Today over lunch, out of the clear blue, Brianna said "Tanner asked me 'Where's your dad?'" (I looked up at her) "For the first time in my life I didn't have to say 'He's dead'..."

I waited...she stared...I smiled...she smiled back, that smile that says "here it comes!"...I said "Isn't God SO good?" She agreed. I started wiping away the tears.

AND, at dinner, when David and I were alone, I told him about the conversation...and I cried all over again.

GOD IS SO GOOD!

The Yankees and The Rebels

It's SO not what you might think! lol

It actually is from a recent joke make in our yard. Some new friends of ours, who we met through Karate, were over last night to look at the apartment over our barn. You know, the one my parents were "supposed" to move into months ago. Well, my mom was recently moved to a nursing home near their home, and we have now found out that she has been SO HORRIBLY cared for over the last six months in the first nursing home that the new nursing home can't even think about rehabilitation until they get her healed. (She has several wound areas as a result of the first nursing home...and she's diabetic...you do the math.) SO, my parents won't be here any time soon - that we know of - and we have the vacant apartment.

Our friends have sold their house and while they're waiting on the Lord to direct their next long-term step they're going to be our tenants! Everyone in our house is pretty excited about it! (We'll see how long they stay excited when Miss Kim starts getting Mommy up at 5am to workout! Which, by the way, Mommy is SO excited about! Miss Kim is a certified personal trainer don't ya know!)

SO, we will have a family of four (there are two boys) and their two teeny tiny dogs living in the apartment, or as we say around here "living in the barn". Needless to say, this helps us out, and we hope it will be a blessing to our friends as well. And maybe, I can't help but wonder, God has a reason for putting two boys in Brianna's life and backyard...like maybe there will be two boys of our own one day! I hope I hope! =D

In the meantime, feel free to rejoice with us in this season of God's continued provision for us. And, please pray! We have A LOT of reorganizing to do in our house, to move in some things from the storage area as well as the barn, in order to make room for our friends. And, did I mention we're leaving on Thanksgiving for Atlanta for the weekend??? Yes, our friends will be moving in while we're away! So please pray for them as well.

And, if you're in the neighborhood stop by! We can surely find you something to do! Uh, is that what I meant? I'll say "We'd love to introduce you to our friends!" =D

Oh, I almost forgot the joke! You see our house sits north on the property...and the barn is south on the property. So it was a big joke last night that we're the yankees and they're the southerns and they'll have to work on their southern drawl. (David is the only real southerner of the four us.) And this morning at karate we were joking about Kim coming up to the big house when she needs something...

We're having fun already! =D

Isn't God SO faithful? He does what He says He will do...EVERY TIME!

Philippians 4:19: "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

A time for everything...

A Time for Everything
3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Brianna and I came home from karate this morning, and were sitting at the dining table enjoying our mid-morning snack. I looked out the glass doors and saw orange oranges on our two trees just a couple of feet from our deck (as opposed to seeing green oranges for some time).

As seems to be the new norm around here, the Lord used His creation to illustrate a point to me. Everything has it's season. E-V-E-R-Y thing.

I have never seen oranges on the trees in the yard before. This time last year David and I were courting...I didn't spend much time at this house last year. When I was in town I stayed at his mom's house. But, quite honestly, we spent a lot of time running the roads. Trips to Atlanta and Alabama, meeting for dinner and a walk on the beach in Daytona, and driving around Orlando.

I am very aware today of how each season brings it's own fruit. Not just on the tree, although it does help bring the point home... My single season did not bear the fruit of my young married season. My season of being married AND a new mother produced different fruit than being married without a child. Being a widow was certainly a season of MUCH fruit...all different kinds of fruit! And now, I'm back in the season of being newly married, although this time I have a pre-teen and hope for more children.

Today I realized I had been grumbling and complaining about not being in EXACTLY the season I want to be in. I found myself convicted. As much as I am so enjoying this new season...I am still discontent nonetheless. I want to have a little boy who has David's nose...I see him in my dreams...and I have been discontent with God's timing, or even His provision. Who am I to think God SHOULD give me that little boy NOW? (or ever!)

Not getting what I want in my timing produced all kinds of bad fruit...discontentment, fear, and arrogance for sure!

BUT GOD in His kindness revealed my sin to me...

Lord, thank You for Your mercy! Thank You for not leaving me where I was, but for spurring me on to love and good works! Thank You for being ALL I need! Thank You for setting me free from the power of sin...now I can CHOOSE to trust You in all circumstances. How kind You are Daddy!

And to quote a most beloved song: All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need, You satisfy me with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough...

Thank You for being more than enough Lord! Thank You that children are a gift from Your hand, but they will never compare to Your gift of salvation...And IF You choose to give me more children I only want them in Your time. Just like with marrying David...I wanted it years ago, but I am POSITIVE that any day before March 1, 2008 would NOT have been YOUR day for us. Help me to remember that Your timing is worth waiting for and that You know what I need, and what I need to do without. I love you Lord! Thank You for seasons, and fruit in the right time!

Jesus calms the storm...

This morning on our church's ladies blog my friend Allie posted about devotions...she talked about being in a busy new season and not having extended time to spend praying and reading the word, but how God still meets her in the moments of whispered prayer, online sermons, worship CD, etc. (You can read it here: http://acupofgracegcc.blogspot.com/2008/10/devotions_08.html

Well, I'm not a new mama (although I'd like to be!), but I am a new wife, and a new homeschool mama (at least it feels new after it being 5 or 6 years since I did it all by myself)...Add to that a new home, a new job, a new church family to knit in with, elderly parents with health issues...I totally relate to the moments of whispered prayer being your lifeline! =D

Today started out with me confessing to my sweet hubby that I am struggling...which was blatently obvious by the look on my face and the tone of my voice. lol BUT GOD, used My David to speak softly to me called me to pray. So, I offered up a whispered prayer thanking God for the day, for all HE has planned for it, and for providing enough time for it all to get done. I was immediately reminded that His grace does sustain me! HIS sweet peace covered me like a warm heating blanket! My focus is restored, my eyes are fixed on HIM, and He has kindly reminded me of who HE Is! He is the same savior of Matthew 8:26b..."Then he rose and rebuked the winds and the sea, and there was a great calm." I was also reminded that I had been the one in the boat with little faith who was crying “Save [me], Lord; [I am] perishing.”

Lord, thank You for Your sustaining grace! Thank You that Your mercies are new EVERY day! Thank You for a husband who speaks softly and encourages me to righteousness, and who does not tear me down. Thank You for Your Word that is truly my bread of life...and Your Holy Spirit who gives me the power to press on! Lord Jesus, thank You for making it possible for me to know this grace!

Well, if you feel like you're about to perish, take a moment and offer up a whispered pray to the Lord...He will hear it no matter how faint it is!

It's Our Court-a-versary!

So, a year ago today David and I began our courtship...Funny, huh? Three days ago we had our 7th month-a-versary of being married, and we hadn't even been a couple a year yet. I know, I know, not officially. Thank you to all of you who regularly point out that we had a 6-year courtship. lol

I was thinking today about all that has happened in a year. How I went from seeing "no one on the horizon" to "could it really be?" to "okay Lord, whatever You want" in the matter of 3 weeks leading up to the courtship...how all through the coursthip I kept saying "I'm going to put it down now Lord" and He kept saying "I did NOT tell you to put it down"...and how through the engagement I kept asking "Lord, am I hearing You correctly? I'll call it off if this is not YOUR will"...but He always spoke very clearly that this, indeed, was His will for my life.

Sounds kinda weird, huh? Constantly asking if I should call it off?

Well, it was not for anything lacking in David...but the knowledge that my heart is deceitful above all things. I wanted to be sure that this was God's will for me, and not just me getting what I had wanted for a very long time...I wanted to make sure that I was not talking myself out of hearing God's voice...that I wasn't ignoring Him telling me "He is not the one" or "Now is not the time"...that I wasn't putting HIM in a box!

You see, I had made up in my mind years ago what I thought my future husband would look like spiritually...the words he would say...the things he would do...And David didn't necessarily use those words or do those things...

THANKFULLY I had godly counsel all around. And THANKFULLY I got to live with Jud and Mary during that season who challenged me ON A DAILY BASIS to listen to God's voice and not my own, or anyone elses.

As I pressed in the Lord kept reassuring me that this was His will...and this was the time...He kept prodding me along. As I think back on it now I see the picture of a baby transitioning into a toddler. The parent stands behind them and the baby holds the parents hands. The parent is behind, but their hands reach down and in front of the baby so the baby is reaching up and forward. The parent leads the baby forward, step by step. That's what it was like...

Then came the day of the wedding...And I could feel God's peace. I know it looked like a pretty white dress, but really it was God's peace I was dressed in. "This IS the man God made for me...and this IS the time for us to become man and wife." I can still feel the smile and glow that was on my face that day. I had no doubt...I was perfectly at peace!

Since we have become a family I have seen God working in Brianna and I in many areas, but particularly in the are of "Do not decide what it should look like, but let the Lord show you what it looks like". Everything from birthday parties to packing for a trip. And just like He did when it came to my future husband, God has continued to show us that He really does know what is best for us...

As I write this I find the Lord has impressed my single friends on my heart...male and female. And I believe He has a couple of questions for you..."Are you putting Me in a box? Do you trust Me to know what your future spouse looks like spiritually? Are you willing to accept the good gift of a spouse from My hand, or will you refuse it because it does not look the way you thought it would?"

My friend, Tracy, drilled in to my head for many years this philosophy: "Don't ask 'Is this okay?' ask 'Is this God's very best for me?'"

I'm SO glad I not only waited for, but also did not refuse God's very best for me. David truly is God's very best for me...and for Brianna.

I have watched with amazement how very specifically God designed David for us. I tell him on a regular basis "Boy, did we need you!" or "I told you we needed you!" Things we emotional girls never knew we needed have been provided for by God through David. We girls are so different now then we were 7 months ago when David and I said "I do"...and I think David is different as well. I think God designed us specifically for him as well. =D

Lord, thank You for Your sovereign hand in our lives...Thank You that You gave me ears to hear Your voice, even over the chatter in my heart...Thank You for fashioning just the right man for our family...and for continuing to work in all of our lives for Your glory. I ask that You remind David of Your pleasure with him for doing Your will and moving in Your timing, and not a moment too early or too late. Thank You Lord for sending me a true Boaz...which was my prayer for 10 years! You are SO faithful!

Tantrum anyone?

We have more house than we could buy, even if I worked full-time. The reason David was able to buy the house was because he inherited half of it...Did I mention this is the house David was born into? (Not born IN, but came home from the hospital TO.) YES, we live in the house David grew up in. Isn't that a blessing? It really is! I whole heartedly believe that!

BUT...being the really big sinner that I am...I have complained regularly about our amazing home. While I love the size of our home, and our property, I have been discontent with the style of our home. I have even made comments like "If we were millionaires could we tear it down and start again?" Yes...I'm afraid I truly am THAT wretched. How David puts up with me, only God knows...

I have complained about a lot of things around this house...the cedar walls going up the staircase and in the entryway...the mottled blue carpeting...the less than perfect heating and air systems (YES, we have more than 1)...but most of all, I think I have complained about the kitchen. Not just the missing cupboard doors (you can read about that here: http://david-and-colleen.blogspot.com/2008/08/giggles-and-squeals-of-joy.html), but the fact that the whole kitchen is almond, and I prefer white...I dislike the design, I dislike the style of the refrigerator - PARTICULARLY that it doesn't have the ice/water door feature and I have to constantly buy bottled water because the well water is gross to me, I dislike the size of the kitchen, I dislike the tile floor, I dislike the unfinished doorway, I dislike the garden window that I am too short to reach to water a plant no less clean the thing, and ashamedly, the list goes on...and on...

Maybe you think this is normal...maybe you think it's just the way God made women - to conquer the home like men conquer their jobs...I certainly have been justifying my opinion all these months. But yesterday, after I read an article sent to me by my friend Brenda (which you can read here http://www.boundless.org/2005/articles/a0001807.cfm), I had to finally ask myself "What does GOD think about the way I have been thinking/acting/speaking?"

The article entitled "Eat Bitter" was talking about complaining during TRIALS...and the writer referenced Psalm 31:14-17:

14 But I trust in you, O Lord;I say, “You are my God.”15 My times are in your hand;rescue me from the hand of my enemies and from my persecutors!16 Make your face shine on your servant;save me in your steadfast love!17 O Lord, let me not be put to shame,for I call upon you;let the wicked be put to shame;let them go silently to the grave.

Now, if I was complaining about my mom being so sick...I would be - most assuredly - convincted by this verse. But I wasn't complaining about something that's a real trial...I was complaining about the blessing God has given me in my very home! I feel sick to my stomach just typing this...I was complaining about style and color...not just preferring something different, but carefully nurturing the embers of bitterness in my heart until they became a roaring fire that was consuming my thoughts/words/actions, and was ripping down my relationship with my husband, not to mention my relationship with the Lord...Not to mention the seeds that must have been planted in Brianna's heart...

I have been making it known to my family, and My Lord, that I am not getting what I want when I want it!

2 Timothy talks about people who behave the way I have been behaving...

V. 1-5
But understand this, that in the last days there will come times of difficulty. 2 For people will be lovers of self, lovers of money, proud, arrogant, abusive, disobedient to their parents, ungrateful, unholy, 3 heartless, unappeasable, slanderous, without self-control, brutal, not loving good, 4 treacherous, reckless, swollen with conceit, lovers of pleasure rather than lovers of God, 5 having the appearance of godliness, but denying its power. Avoid such people.

AVOID such people? I'm not avoiding them, I'm LEADING them!

Now pay close attention...this is where I have to make a choice. To keep my focus on ME or turn it toward GOD...

I choose God!

Hebrews 12:1-2, 28-29
Therefore, since we are surrounded by so great a cloud of witnesses, let us also lay aside every weight, and sin which clings so closely, and let us run with endurance the race that is set before us, 2 looking to Jesus, the founder and perfecter of our faith, who for the joy that was set before him endured the cross, despising the shame, and is seated at the right hand of the throne of God.

28 Therefore let us be grateful for receiving a kingdom that cannot be shaken, and thus let us offer to God acceptable worship, with reverence and awe, 29 for our God is a consuming fire.

O God, thank You for saving me! Thank You that my sins have been washed white as snow! Thank You for opening my eyes to this area of my life...May You be glorified in all I think and say and do!

Needless to say...I had to repent to God, and to David, last night...both of them were so kind and gracious to forgive me.

SO, how are you doing with being content today? Are you facing trials? Are you grateful? Are you giving God the praise and worship He SO deserves? Let me know how I can be praying for you in this area! And, of course, feel free to ask me how I'm doing with it!

God's grace is amazing, isn't it?

More Than Conquerors...Again...

I stand AMAZED at God's thoroughness!

Only a week and a half ago I posted "More than Conquerors"...A recurring theme the Lord keeps bringing about in my life the past 2-1/2 years...and here it is again!

Okay, so to make a short story, which I would turn in to a very, very long story, hopefully a lot shorter than I'm capable of, here's what happened over the last few days that led up to what God did in my heart YESTERDAY.

We went to see family over this past "holiday" weekend. We left Thursday afternoon headed for our final destination: Ozark, Alabama. (YES, they REALLY let me go there!) Along the way we stopped in Marianna, FL for dinner with Uncle Zack and Aunt Juanita (who I LOVE to pieces! even though I had only met them once before...at my wedding!) They invited us to come back Saturday night for Aunt Juanita's birthday party and to sleep over and go with them to church on Sunday. Which, we agreed to do!

We went on to Ozark...And Dothan...We visited grandparents, cousins, Aunt Judy, friends of David's from college, and dear friends, Rodney and Susan.

Okay, side note...Rodney has a horse and TWO llamas! YES! Llamas! Brianna got to ride the horse, Breeze, and the llamas followed me all around because they were SO curious about Maverick (our amazing puppy). But best of all, we had a WONDERFUL time of Biblical fellowship...ending with prayer...including prayer for God to give us a baby! Okay, so we get in the car and I turn to David and I say "We are SO gonna get pregnant!" Did I mention how much I love Rodney and Susan????

Saturday night we made it to Marianna fine, although later than we wanted to...and mostly just visited a little then got settled and went to bed.

So, of all the wonderful qualities Uncle Zack has, one of them is that he cooks breakfast every Sunday morning for his church! We went and ate the most delicious breakfast I have ever had...well, maybe with the exception of that french toast I had in Haiti last year...

And while we ate Uncle Zack sat and talked with us. Some how or other the Lord brought the conversation around to the topic of clutter. Uncle Zack asked me if I was a neatnick or a pack rat. I briefly, no REALLY, briefly shared that I grew up in clutter and chaos and that for the last 10 years of so the Lord had taken me through a process of changing me...so much so that I became a professional organizer for a season. And that right now I'm really struggling with the fact that we live in such a cluttered, chaotic state because I am SO afraid of going back to where I was...

I did also share that clutter of the home had physical, mental and spiritual implications. (Physical: I can't get out of my own way, AND the number on the scale is going up and up. Mental: I'm overwhelmed! Spiritual: I find myself not living Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." )

About then, the Sunday School teacher got up to teach...and the gist of his message was: Are you radiating Christ?

If you know me, you know this hit home!

I was already starting to fidget! Lord! I want to radiate Christ! I want to GLOW with Your Holy Spirit! Have I been radiating lately? What would be hindrances? ...CLUTTER! Not clutter of the home, but clutter of my heart! Which, of course led to clutter of my home...Which in turn was an obstacle to focusing on time with the Lord each day...which in turn rendered me useless for anything! Yes, that good 'ole vicious circle again!

But, circle or no circle, the Lord knew what the true root of the problem was...and I began to ask Him to reveal it to me.

Then came the worship service...Let me just say this...God knew EXACTLY where he wanted me that morning, and it was at Christian Center Church with Uncle Zack and Aunt Juanita!

Let me take a moment to say that Aunt Juanita is not only one of THE MOST beautiful women I have EVER seen...she is literally the peace of God in the flesh! Just being near her is refreshing!

Okay, back to the worship service...We spent a lot of time worshipping to one song "Mighty to Save", which talked about the Savior being able to move mountains, being mighty to save, being the author of Salvation...

At first I thought the mountain was my parents' salvation...and it certainly is a mountain that I cannot move...but HE can.

But after ending the song Pastor Jack stepped up and said we're going back to it. We sang it over and over...and the tears began to flow...and flow...and flow...My parents' salvation wasn't the biggest mountain I had been trying to move...But what was it? My weight? My clutter? My missing menstrual cycle that has prohibited us from getting pregnant? No...these are just symptoms of the real sickness...

We transitioned into the message...and, believe it or not I promise it's true...Pastor Jack taught about being more than conquerors! YES, he really did! At that point I just wanted to stand up and thank everyone there for joining me for my personal message from God. lol

I listened, all the while still asking the Lord to reveal that mountain to me...And as always...He was faithful to do it!

The biggest mountain of my life...arrogance.

I am a self-sufficient, arrogant wretch! (duh!) I have been going about my day talking about God, singing to God, talking at God, but NOT surrendering to Him every minute of every day...I have been stiff-necked and rebellious...I wanted to be the one who decided where each minute of my day went...I wanted to be the one who performed miraculous deeds (decluttering this huge house in a day)...I wanted to be the one who moved mountains.

There it was...clear as day! So, to my knees I went!

Lord, please forgive me! You are THE ONLY ONE who can move mountains! I surrender my everything to You and I ask You to teach me Your ways, O Lord.

Well, the clutter is still here...and so is my extra weight...I didn't have a quiet time yet today, and my cycle is still out of whack. BUT GOD, in His infinite kindness, has allowed me to be freshly aware that His grace is sufficient for me, and that it is not about my happiness, but my holiness. It would make me happy to wake up this morning with everything changed just the way I want it...but that wouldn't aid me in becoming more holy...so, I plug along...trusting His ways...leaning on His understanding...and anticipating the day when I look back and see that HE alone was glorified through my life and this process.

Please continue to pray for my parents salvation...and my weight, clutter and cycle...but most of all pray that I will continue to surrender ALL to Him.

I stand, as always, amazed by His grace...

Princess Sarah Update...

This is a recent picture of Princess Sarah with her mom, Alisha. If you didn't see my post on May 5th about Princess Sarah, you can click here to read it:

http://hesalwaysbeenfaithfultome.blogspot.com/2008_05_01_archive.html

Most days, multiple times a day, I get updates on Sarah's condition through Caring Bridge. Even though I don't know this family well at all, and I'm watching from a distance, the Lord has put them on my heart in a HUGE way. I not only pray for them, but I am inspired by them, and the Lord uses their walk mightily in my life.

Princess Sarah's treatment has been delayed due to an infection...it seems that is being worked out (the port was removed), but I'm sure prayer for a speedy resolution would be greatly appreciated.

There are many photos posted on the caring bridge site...but this one stood out to me...I can't help but be impacted by Alisha's countenance. The joy of the Lord is so obviously her strength! What a faithful God we serve!

Speaking of God's faithfulness...My theme song is heavy on my heart, mind and tongue this morning...If you have facebook and I'm you're friend, you can hear it here:

http://apps.facebook.com/ilike/artist/Sara+Groves/track/He%27s+Always+Been+Faithful

To read more about the details of Princess Sarah's current situation you can read about it here:

http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewJournal.do?method=executeInit

Please continue to pray for the Townsends...that precious family!

More Than Conquerors...

I don't know about you, but this was the image that came to mind when I thought about being a conqueror. Maybe it's my age, or maybe it's my movie-saturated upbringing...but when I thought "conqueror" I pictured Rocky Balboa, reaching the top of those steps in Philadelphia.

Think about it...He was the least likely candidate for anything. He used the wrong words, he did the wrong things, he wasn't the smartest guy around, he was from the wrong side of the tracks, and his days consisted of blood, sweat and tears.

BUT! In the end he wins the fight and gets the girl! He more than conquered his obstacles, until he reached victory.

So...why am I posting about this guy on my blog dedicated to the faithfulness of God? Because Rocky's story is a sad imitation of MY story. And, perhaps, yours.

I don't know about you, but my day is chock full of obstacles, waiting to either be overcome or to overcome me. More days than I would like to admit don't end up the way I had hoped...

I've been in a season (yet, again) of God teaching me the art of discipline. Discipline in eating...discipline in getting up each morning...discipline to spend time in His presence...discipline to care for the temple where the Holy Spirit abides and that I have been given stewardship...discipline in managing my household...discipline in training my child in the way she should go...discipline in training my puppy in the way he should go...discipline to complete the things my sweet, wonderful, adorable, grace-filled hubby asks me to do instead of getting distracted OR choosing to do the things I deem as more important...discipline to preach the Gospel to myself...discipline to put on the full armor of God to guard myself from the enemy... Discipline...discipline...discipline...

You see I, like Rocky, am the least likely...but I am the least likely to know a Holy God. I'm from the wrong side of the tracks...I say the wrong things...I do the wrong things...and all the rest. But, unlike Rocky, I don't have a trainer who is along side me, yelling at me, trying to get me to tap in to some inner strength. My Trainer carries me, He whispers lovingly in my ear, assuring me of His care for me. He lives in me, and HE is my strength...there is nothing I can do apart from Him but go my own way!

Discipline is something that will be with each of us all of our earthly days. We never arrive, we are never done!

BUT GOD...always SO kind and gracious...has placed me amongst some AMAZING folks in my NEW church family! I am suddenly surrounded by women who have a burden for me, and I have one for them. I haven't been THIS excited for a long, long time...

SO, two of my new friends (you know who you are!) asked me if I wanted to get together once a week to share with each other and pray for each other about one particular area of our lives...our weight. This is an ongoing battle for me. God has provided different means of grace over the year, and I have seen some success, but I always end up back where I'm headed at the moment. Somehow, I have not managed to make it a lifestyle change that STICKS!

I found myself somewhere between "I'm so excited about this!" and "What's the point, I always lose in the end".

BUT GOD, in His mercy, reminded me of a Scripture He gave me a couple of years ago...Romans 8:31-39:

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be [1] against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. [2] 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I CAN make it to the top of those "stairs" and throw my arms up in the air...Not because I did it, but because GOD did it, and I praise Him with my whole body. I CAN do the work He calls me to do because He provides me with ALL I need!

Wow. That all just hit me...pretty weighty, I must say! =D

What area has God called you to be more disciplined in? I'd love to pray for you, so let me know what you're going through!

Amazed by His grace,

Colleen

Tony Lettieri

This is a picture of Tony Lettieri, a young man I never met, and his mom, Susan, who I met once 15+ years ago.

I received an email from Tony's dad, Joe (who I can't help but think of as Joey) - someone I graduated high school with in 1988...and who I have only seen once since graduation - which was also the time I met Susan. It was at church in Manorville, NY during the holidays, the year I cannot remember for sure.

Anyway, there have been a lot of emails going back and forth with different classmates because our 20 year reunion is this year...and amidst the "hurry up and send your money" emails came the only email I remember seeing from Joey...simply it stated that his "beautiful son" had passed away, and to please pray. SO, before I go on, please pray for the Lettieri family, they have had a huge loss. Sweet Tony had a 2 year battle with leukemia.

I have since gone to CaringBridge and read the whole story, 2 years worth...What an awesome family! To walk 2 years through a horrible illness with your child and have the sweet, peaceful countenance Susan does...Only GOD can do that!

You can read more here:

http://www.caringbridge.org/cb/viewMyStory.do?method=executeInit

So many thoughts have been flooding my brain...but I will only share one or two that are most prominent.

The thought that most overwhelms me right now "How AWESOME God is." I don't mean "cool", I mean "awe inspiring". I stand in awe of how BIG God is. Someone I went to school with for 2 years, who I haven't seen in over 15 years - when I was not even a Christian! - now, today, is someone the Lord has called me to pray for. And not just to pray, but to pray as someone who KNOWS loss. As someone who KNOWS how faithful God is because I have been through the fire and SEEN Him faithful through it all.

I am in awe of the great privilege God has given me to be such a person. (One who can testify to HIS faithfulness.)

I am in awe of His tapestry of grace, who crossed my string of life with Joey's 20 years ago and today has crossed it again...for HIS glory.

My mind is racing, wondering who else God is calling to pray for this family today, even though they have not been part of Joey or Susan's life in decades...or maybe even who have NEVER met Joey and Susan. Maybe it's YOU! Maybe God has designed me to ramble so that YOU will read this and be called to pray for them.

Again, I see the tapestry...Who will you tell about this family? Who will they tell? How many millions of people will be praying? All because GOD is sovereign and is the Master Weaver.

I all of a sudden find myself wondering just how many people prayed for me when my Tony died. I know there were people around the world - who I still don't know - because I had friends tell me their friend in ____ was praying for us...during Tony's illness and after his homegoing. It seems like every time I turn around there is someone who hears about my story and says "YOU'RE the one!" Huh??? "So-and-so told me about you when your husband was sick, and I prayed for his healing, and I prayed for you and your baby." And I get to stand there, radiating with the joy of the Lord, and tell that person "God has been faithful!"

Not only have we survived, but we have flourished! Brianna has had a relationship ALL HER OWN with the Lord from a VERY young age. I have been able to minister to SO many people who experience loss. God gave me a desire for Brianna to be homeschooled, and HE has provided for that ALL these years...even when I wasn't the one instructing her! The fruit of His faithfulness is SO evident in our lives!

Even now, 10-1/2 years later, God continues to be faithful in all areas of our life. The man Brianna and I cried out to the Lord about (separately) asking for years "Why can't he be the one???" IS the one! I have the dearest, sweetest husband. Brianna finally has a daddy! And I am SO grateful that each and every day God is faithful to show me just how specifically He designed David for me, and for Brianna.

It seems like all the wishes Brianna has made in her short life are being granted, one by one. She has a daddy, she lives in a wonderful home on a big piece of property in the woods, she has a pool, and, as of Sunday, she has her first ever PUPPY! (You can see his picture on the family blog: www.david-and-colleen.blogspot.com).

The only thing missing right now are the baby brothers and sisters! (Lord, any time you want to send them is good for us!)

Now, lest I be misunderstood...God is not faithful because He gives us things...He is faithful because HE IS GOD and He cannot be unfaithful. He was just as faithful when I had my miscarriage, and when Tony died as He was when He united David and I as man and wife.

It is so fun, though, that in His faithfulness He is also generously showering us with those things that have been on our hearts for years and years!

Are you looking for the tapestry? Do you see His masterful design that includes your string of life? Do you see the evidences of His grace in your life? In the lives of those around you? Are you waiting with great anticipation to be used? Isn't is so exciting to wonder just whose string He will cross with yours next? And what a beautiful tapestry He is making!

Thanks for sticking around until the end of my rambling...I hope you are excited about God's amazing grace as I am!