6 weeks, 5 days

It's a horrible picture, I know...but it's the best I can do right now.

It was SO exciting at my sonogram this afternoon...I not only got to SEE the baby's heartbeat, but I got to HEAR the baby's heartbeat. When we had Brianna's sonogram (13 years ago!) sonograms weren't quite so high tech, I could only see her heartbeat. When the nurse practitioner (Wendy) turned on the sound I was so surprised!

SO, baby's heart rate was about 140, good and strong.

David wasn't able to be with me today, but my friend Erin went with me. She can't wait to tell the baby one day "I saw you when you were in your mommy's belly!"

Today has been a day full of opportunities to trust in a faithful God...I didn't do so well at every turn, but in the end, He has proven Himself faithful in all areas. Shocker! ;D

Our baby's first bedroom...

Well, we had a sonogram on Monday, which showed the baby's first bedroom, otherwise known as the sac. I know, it's not a great picture, but I took a picture of the little paper they sent us home with, so it's the best we got. And since you probably wouldn't know what you were looking at, I added the arrow to point to the sac. It looks like a little black hole.

Dr. Lapiri said he thought he could see "a little grain of rice" coming in and out of view, but it's just too small to capture on the picture. According to the size of the sac I would be about 5 weeks and 2 days, but he is waiting until next week to measure the baby before assigning an official date.

It's amazing...at the last sonogram on 10/16 they couldn't see the sac yet...and next week they'll be able to see the baby in the sac...it's just incredible how God does it! The baby's size is multiplying by thousands of times each week...just amazing!

We go back next Monday for our next sonogram...We'll let you know how it goes!

A whole new season...

Well, last Tuesday(10/13/09) was a very exciting day! (As I'm sure you can see from the picture.)

I got up just as David left for work and took the test. As it was "processing" I washed up and brushed my teeth. Then I went back to it and couldn't believe my eyes! I kept turning it in all different directions trying to make sure I wasn't misreading it...the last time I had a positive test was in 1996! And there have been MANY negative tests since David and I got married in March of 2008. But, not this time, it really had a positive result!

"What do I do?!" was what I was screaming inside my head. I wanted David to be the first to know, but Brianna would ask me the result and I would either have to lie or...there really was no or, she would SEE the answer on my face. SO, while she was in the shower, I ran around a little crazy.

First, I got my cell phone and took a picture to show David, but that didn't come out clear enough. Then I got the digital camera and got a decent shot. Then I ran to the bedroom and threw on shorts and a t-shirt (yes, we can wear those here, at least on this particular day). And just as Brianna came out of the bathroom I told her I was going to the store for an item she needed. Which wasn't a lie, I just didn't tell her I was going to David's office first. =D

And, off I went. It was 8:15.

On the way I decided to try calling the doctor's office, although I did not know if they would even be open. They were! So I told them about the positive test and they said come in and have a blood draw and have results before the end of the day. OK!

As I was approaching David's office I tried calling his cell phone, I was going to ask him to come out to the parking lot, but he couldn't answer. So when I got there I went in, and thankfully no one else was in the entry way. I walked right to his office, just as he was hanging up the phone. I sat down across from his desk. He was telling me that call was why he couldn't answer my call...and then inquired as to what brought me there. I turned on the camera, brought up the picture, got up from the chair, and held it out to him - viewer side facing him.

He was looking at it, tried a few different angles, and finally whispered "So, is it negative?" I shook my head. "So, is it positive?" I nodded my head. "Really?" More nodding.

David came around the desk and wrapped his arms around me. yada yada yada

I told him about the blood test, and obviously we decided to wait to tell Brianna and anyone else until we got those results. And then, after a few moments off I went to the doctor's office.

At about 2:30 the nurse called and said "Congratulations!" And went on to tell me to come in on Friday (10/16/09) for a sonogram. Then I called David, who couldn't pick up. But just a few minutes later he called back and I was able to tell him it was positive. He asked if I had told Brianna, and I said no, and then he had to go. So, I went and told Brianna. She was SO excited! She just kept running around all afternoon saying "Mommy, you're pregnant!" or "Mommy, you're having a baby!" She is just too cute!

Once David got home we each got on the phone and started making calls...and pretty much didn't see much of each other until bedtime. He kept going outside to talk on his phone, and I stayed inside on mine. Obviously everyone we spoke to was thrilled. My mom said "I have been praying every night for this." And Tracy screamed and jumped up and down, at least it sounded like she did. And then she said "Who can I tell?" And after negotiating, we settled on the 4 folks she could be the one to tell. All I really know about the folks David spoke to is that "they are excited". lol That was his answer for everyone I asked about.

Oh, wait, there was one call I got to hear David's side of...When David called his brother, Michael, I got to listen in. David called him and said "I wanted to let you know, Colleen's having a puppy." (Old family joke...when David's mom was pregnant with David, Michael decided he wanted it to be a puppy.)

Needless to say, we all spent time thanking God before we went to bed...

One of the most precious things of the day was when Brianna said "I'm getting everything I ever asked for." Translation, "We moved to Florida, I got a dad, I have a big back yard with lots of trees and stuff, I got a puppy, and now I'm getting a sibling."

Even with all the excitement, I must confess that I did fight the temptation to be fearful. I had a miscarriage before Brianna, now I'm a whole lot older, blah, blah, blah. But God was faithful to remind me of that first pregnancy. I got up early one morning and was led by the Holy Spirit to pray a prayer of thanksgiving to the Lord. I told the Lord how grateful I was to be chosen to add a soul to His kingdom, whether I got to hold that soul in this life or not. No matter what, that soul was created, and I was honored to be part of it. It was later that day I found out there was no heartbeat. And I had SUCH PEACE knowing that I could never have prayed what I did if the Holy Spirit had not led me to...knowing that He had prepared my heart for what was to come.

I did spend some time praying for this baby too...I don't know what the Lord's plan is...But I do know this. There is a reason I found out on this very day that I am pregnant...just a couple of hours before I found out that "my two kids" in Haiti were THIS VERY DAY leaving Haiti with their new family. Again, God was preparing my heart for what was to come.

Like I said, I don't know what God's plan is...but I do know this...

He has always been faithful to me!

Psalm 139

Have you been through Psalm 139 lately? Or ever? I first read it in the fall of 1997 because someone pointed out "it's about how God knows you because He fashioned you".

For 12 years this has probably been the most comforting passage of Scripture to me. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, God is there. Whether I'm sick or in pain, God knows every fiber of my being...and He is there. Whether I know what the next step is or not...He is there. "Your love hems me in both behind and before...You have laid Your hand upon me..." Sorry, broke out in song there for a moment. ("Your Hand Upon Me", by Eric Grover, recorded on "No Greater Love CD by Sovereign Grace Music.)

Lately I have felt like a pumpkin thrown into a heap with all the other pumpkins...just rolling around wherever the sway of the pumpkin cart takes me. But the truth is, that even in a heap of pumpkins, to God I am unique! I stand out to Him because He knows me...He made me...And He is the Farmer who grew the pumpkins and put them in the cart, and is causing the sway! Do you know of any farmers who would cause their crop to be ruined? No! Of course not! That would be ridiculous!

You know what this means, don't you?

Even though the rolling around may FEEL uncomfortable...I can trust the Farmer. And so can you!

So, whether it's an impending unknown move...a seemingly wayward child...an actual wayward child...physical ailments that no one can seem to figure out...your baby going off to college...a baby you want but haven't conceived...or too much month at the end of your paycheck, you can trust God! If you are His, His hand is upon you!

Whatever you are struggling with...take it to God...read through Psalm 139...it will all come in to perspective! And then...

REJOICE!

He is Risen!

"He is risen!"

This is my favorite Easter greeting...I love to see who replies "He is risen indeed!" Just imagine walking down the dirt roads in the days after Jesus rose from the dead and instead of saying "Hey" or "How goes it?" or "Hello there" you exclaim to the passers-by "He is risen!" and they exclaim back "He is risen indeed!"

I'm thinking those who initiated that greeting were a lot less likely to forget what He had done for us! I think if I were a passerby, maybe thinking about those things that were weighing me down, and someone greeted me with "He is risen!" I might just put those weighty things in their proper place...At least I hope I would. =D

Here we are 2000 years later, and the simple truth remains...HE IS RISEN! He has conquered sin and death! The work He did at Calvary has not been diminished one bit! We are still free from sin and death! And, He still provides our every (lesser) need after that!

So...what's weighing on you today? Whatever it is, look yourself in the mirror and exclaim:

HE IS RISEN!

If your load does not get lighter, call me and exclaim "He is risen!" and I will remind you "He is risen indeed!" Then I will ask you what burden is heavier than this truth!

Lesson from Habakkuk 3

So often as a parent (these past 12 years) I have noticed that God has made a habit of using my child, her life situations, and yes - even her school work, to teach me something new...

Well, this evening - which has now turned into tomorrow morning - I was preparing tomorrow's school work...The history lesson is on Habakkuk...the assignment? To read Habakkuk 3:17-19, a hymn of praise written to the Lord, and then to write a modernized version of it that would apply to the student's life today. You know, "If the car doesn't start, yet I will rejoice in the Lord..."

So, I went ahead and read the passage...and this is where the Lord said "Are you paying attention?" You see, while Brianna will complete this assignment, it was really ordained for me. Me...who had a temper tantrum in the kitchen Tuesday night, threw things, stormed out of the house, slamming the door behind me.

This is not my norm...So as I sat on the swing in our front yard I was asking "What just happened? Where did that come from?" The Lord was SO kind to not hesitate in answering. I had been walking in fear, and not in perfect love. I had been leaving myself open to the firey darts of the enemy, and I had been bombarded...things like the dishwasher tablet hadn't dissolved even though the dishwasher had been run twice...and the cutting board was melted to the stovetop...and the dinner fell on the floor...it all happened at once, and I took the sinful road instead of the righteous road. And there I found myself, sitting on the swing, in the cold night air...until just a few minutes later when my dear, sweet husband came out, walked across the lawn, sat down beside me, put his arm around me, drew me into his side, and pressed my head to his shoulder. Of course, the fear started melting away...And then he began to speak softly to me...drawing me out...reassuring me...and even correcting me. What an example of Christ-likeness my husband is to me! I am SO grateful for My David!

Well, this evening I met with my home group ladies and we were to come ready to share JUST ONE THING that the Lord is bringing to the surface...Jamey asked the question, and out it came...FEAR. Both Jamey and Erin were able to point me back to the Lord, and my husband, which is always so helpful! We talked about the worst things that could happen...and in light of eternity none of those things I was fearing matter! It's so helpful to gain a divine perspective!

Just two hours later, here I was, organizing the history assignment...MY assignment from the Lord! SO, here goes...Habakkuk Rejoices in the Lord, followed by Colleen Rejoices in the Lord...

Habakkuk Rejoices in the Lord
Though the fig tree should not blossom,

nor fruit be on the vines,

the produce of the olive fail

and the fields yield no food,

the flock be cut off from the fold

and there be no herd in the stalls,

yet I will rejoice in the Lord;

I will take joy in the God of my salvation.

God, the Lord, is my strength;

He makes my feet like the deer's;

He makes me tread on my high places.

Colleen Rejoices in the Lord

Though the dishwasher isn't washing,
nor does the freezer make ice,
the water is contaminated
and we need a new well,
the mortgage isn't paid
and there be no money in the bank,
yet I will rejoice in the Lord;
I will take joy in the God of my salvation.
God, the Lord, is my strength;
He makes my husband wise like Solomon;
He makes me see with eternal eyes.

What do eternal eyes let me see? It's all God's stuff! He knows what needs to be fixed and what needs to be paid for...And HE has unlimited resources to take care of it all! And however HE chooses to take care of it...is the best for us! So I rejoice! I rejoice because HE IS GOD! I rejoice because HE IS MY PROVIDER! I rejoice because HE did not leave me where I was (in fear) but encouraged my heart and soul, reminding me AGAIN of who HE IS! If He takes interest and care in helping me through my temper tantrum, I can only believe that He takes interest and care in helping me with the rest of what is weighing on me...and this causes my heart to rejoice ALL THE MORE! HE IS SO FAITHFUL!

Are you rejoicing in the Lord today??? If you are struggling to rejoice maybe you could write your own version of this passage to help you along...It sure did work for me!

Sit still, my daughter!

Sit Still

"Ye shall not go out with haste" (Isa. 52:12).

I do not believe that we have begun to understand the marvelous power there is in stillness. We are in such a hurry--we must be doing--so that we are in danger of not giving God a chance to work. You may depend upon it, God never says to us, "Stand still," or "Sit still," or "Be still," unless He is going to do something.

This is our trouble in regard to our Christian life; we want to do something to be Christians when we need to let Him work in us. Do you know how still you have to be when your likeness is being taken?


Now God has one eternal purpose concerning us, and that is that we should be like His Son; and in order that this may be so, we must be passive. We hear so much about activity, may be we need to know what it is to be quiet. --Crumbs


Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
Nor deem these days--these waiting days--as ill!
The One who loves thee best, who plans thy way,
Hath not forgotten thy great need today!
And, if He waits, 'tis sure He waits to prove
To thee, His tender child, His heart's deep love.



Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
Thou longest much to know thy dear Lord's will!
While anxious thoughts would almost steal their way
Corrodingly within, because of His delay
Persuade thyself in simple faith to rest
That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.



Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
Nor move one step, not even one, until
His way hath opened. Then, ah then, how sweet!
How glad thy heart, and then how swift thy feet
Thy inner being then, ah then, how strong!
And waiting days not counted then too long.



Sit still, my daughter! Just sit calmly still!
What higher service could'st thou for Him fill?
'Tis hard! ah yes! But choicest things must cost!
For lack of losing all how much is lost!
'Tis hard, 'tis true! But then--He giveth grace
To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.
--J. D. Smith


This was my devotional for yesterday from "Streams in the Desert". It so applies to some things going on right now for me, and for Brianna. One of us wants to move on to the next stage already and is having trouble waiting for God to finish His work "here". And one of us wants to stay put and is having trouble waiting for God to reveal whether His work "here" is about to be complete or not...In either case we are daughters who are having trouble sitting calmly still!

We had a long talk this morning about this struggle...and how kind is it of God to bring this devotional in to our lives at just this moment, though I have known about it longer than Brianna has been alive!


We are two ladies who often make things harder than they need to be. "Simple" is not in our genetic makeup...Doing "just one thing" is seemingly impossible most days! Although, I will say, God has been growing us in that area. BUT, there were two lines in the poem that reminded us that there is a simple answer to the question "How do I sit calmly still and wait?"


Persuade thyself in simple faith to rest
That He, who knows and loves, will do the best.


We simply remember who God is, and have faith that He knows, He loves, and He will do the best!


As challenging as we found it reading, and re-reading this poem, we always found solace in the last two lines...


'Tis hard, 'tis true! But then--He giveth grace
To count the hardest spot the sweetest place.

Once again, I was reminded that being a widow for 10 years was hard...but God gave me the grace to walk through it, and what seemed like the hardest place while I was there DOES seem like the sweetest place I've been in my life now because it was there that He performed such an amazing transformation...making me more like His Son.


So, whether I'm waiting to know if I can go forward, or I'm waiting to see if I can stay put, I know that the Lord will be faithful to give me the grace to walk through whatever He deems best for me...And I know He will give me the grace to wait for His path to be revealed...if I will just DO IT.