A time for everything...

A Time for Everything
3:1 For everything there is a season, and a time for every matter under heaven:
2 a time to be born, and a time to die; a time to plant, and a time to pluck up what is planted; 3 a time to kill, and a time to heal; a time to break down, and a time to build up; 4 a time to weep, and a time to laugh;a time to mourn, and a time to dance; 5 a time to cast away stones, and a time to gather stones together;a time to embrace, and a time to refrain from embracing; 6 a time to seek, and a time to lose; a time to keep, and a time to cast away; 7 a time to tear, and a time to sew; a time to keep silence, and a time to speak; 8 a time to love, and a time to hate; a time for war, and a time for peace.

Brianna and I came home from karate this morning, and were sitting at the dining table enjoying our mid-morning snack. I looked out the glass doors and saw orange oranges on our two trees just a couple of feet from our deck (as opposed to seeing green oranges for some time).

As seems to be the new norm around here, the Lord used His creation to illustrate a point to me. Everything has it's season. E-V-E-R-Y thing.

I have never seen oranges on the trees in the yard before. This time last year David and I were courting...I didn't spend much time at this house last year. When I was in town I stayed at his mom's house. But, quite honestly, we spent a lot of time running the roads. Trips to Atlanta and Alabama, meeting for dinner and a walk on the beach in Daytona, and driving around Orlando.

I am very aware today of how each season brings it's own fruit. Not just on the tree, although it does help bring the point home... My single season did not bear the fruit of my young married season. My season of being married AND a new mother produced different fruit than being married without a child. Being a widow was certainly a season of MUCH fruit...all different kinds of fruit! And now, I'm back in the season of being newly married, although this time I have a pre-teen and hope for more children.

Today I realized I had been grumbling and complaining about not being in EXACTLY the season I want to be in. I found myself convicted. As much as I am so enjoying this new season...I am still discontent nonetheless. I want to have a little boy who has David's nose...I see him in my dreams...and I have been discontent with God's timing, or even His provision. Who am I to think God SHOULD give me that little boy NOW? (or ever!)

Not getting what I want in my timing produced all kinds of bad fruit...discontentment, fear, and arrogance for sure!

BUT GOD in His kindness revealed my sin to me...

Lord, thank You for Your mercy! Thank You for not leaving me where I was, but for spurring me on to love and good works! Thank You for being ALL I need! Thank You for setting me free from the power of sin...now I can CHOOSE to trust You in all circumstances. How kind You are Daddy!

And to quote a most beloved song: All of You is more than enough for all of me, for every thirst and every need, You satisfy me with Your love and all I have in You is more than enough...

Thank You for being more than enough Lord! Thank You that children are a gift from Your hand, but they will never compare to Your gift of salvation...And IF You choose to give me more children I only want them in Your time. Just like with marrying David...I wanted it years ago, but I am POSITIVE that any day before March 1, 2008 would NOT have been YOUR day for us. Help me to remember that Your timing is worth waiting for and that You know what I need, and what I need to do without. I love you Lord! Thank You for seasons, and fruit in the right time!

More Than Conquerors...Again...

I stand AMAZED at God's thoroughness!

Only a week and a half ago I posted "More than Conquerors"...A recurring theme the Lord keeps bringing about in my life the past 2-1/2 years...and here it is again!

Okay, so to make a short story, which I would turn in to a very, very long story, hopefully a lot shorter than I'm capable of, here's what happened over the last few days that led up to what God did in my heart YESTERDAY.

We went to see family over this past "holiday" weekend. We left Thursday afternoon headed for our final destination: Ozark, Alabama. (YES, they REALLY let me go there!) Along the way we stopped in Marianna, FL for dinner with Uncle Zack and Aunt Juanita (who I LOVE to pieces! even though I had only met them once before...at my wedding!) They invited us to come back Saturday night for Aunt Juanita's birthday party and to sleep over and go with them to church on Sunday. Which, we agreed to do!

We went on to Ozark...And Dothan...We visited grandparents, cousins, Aunt Judy, friends of David's from college, and dear friends, Rodney and Susan.

Okay, side note...Rodney has a horse and TWO llamas! YES! Llamas! Brianna got to ride the horse, Breeze, and the llamas followed me all around because they were SO curious about Maverick (our amazing puppy). But best of all, we had a WONDERFUL time of Biblical fellowship...ending with prayer...including prayer for God to give us a baby! Okay, so we get in the car and I turn to David and I say "We are SO gonna get pregnant!" Did I mention how much I love Rodney and Susan????

Saturday night we made it to Marianna fine, although later than we wanted to...and mostly just visited a little then got settled and went to bed.

So, of all the wonderful qualities Uncle Zack has, one of them is that he cooks breakfast every Sunday morning for his church! We went and ate the most delicious breakfast I have ever had...well, maybe with the exception of that french toast I had in Haiti last year...

And while we ate Uncle Zack sat and talked with us. Some how or other the Lord brought the conversation around to the topic of clutter. Uncle Zack asked me if I was a neatnick or a pack rat. I briefly, no REALLY, briefly shared that I grew up in clutter and chaos and that for the last 10 years of so the Lord had taken me through a process of changing me...so much so that I became a professional organizer for a season. And that right now I'm really struggling with the fact that we live in such a cluttered, chaotic state because I am SO afraid of going back to where I was...

I did also share that clutter of the home had physical, mental and spiritual implications. (Physical: I can't get out of my own way, AND the number on the scale is going up and up. Mental: I'm overwhelmed! Spiritual: I find myself not living Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." )

About then, the Sunday School teacher got up to teach...and the gist of his message was: Are you radiating Christ?

If you know me, you know this hit home!

I was already starting to fidget! Lord! I want to radiate Christ! I want to GLOW with Your Holy Spirit! Have I been radiating lately? What would be hindrances? ...CLUTTER! Not clutter of the home, but clutter of my heart! Which, of course led to clutter of my home...Which in turn was an obstacle to focusing on time with the Lord each day...which in turn rendered me useless for anything! Yes, that good 'ole vicious circle again!

But, circle or no circle, the Lord knew what the true root of the problem was...and I began to ask Him to reveal it to me.

Then came the worship service...Let me just say this...God knew EXACTLY where he wanted me that morning, and it was at Christian Center Church with Uncle Zack and Aunt Juanita!

Let me take a moment to say that Aunt Juanita is not only one of THE MOST beautiful women I have EVER seen...she is literally the peace of God in the flesh! Just being near her is refreshing!

Okay, back to the worship service...We spent a lot of time worshipping to one song "Mighty to Save", which talked about the Savior being able to move mountains, being mighty to save, being the author of Salvation...

At first I thought the mountain was my parents' salvation...and it certainly is a mountain that I cannot move...but HE can.

But after ending the song Pastor Jack stepped up and said we're going back to it. We sang it over and over...and the tears began to flow...and flow...and flow...My parents' salvation wasn't the biggest mountain I had been trying to move...But what was it? My weight? My clutter? My missing menstrual cycle that has prohibited us from getting pregnant? No...these are just symptoms of the real sickness...

We transitioned into the message...and, believe it or not I promise it's true...Pastor Jack taught about being more than conquerors! YES, he really did! At that point I just wanted to stand up and thank everyone there for joining me for my personal message from God. lol

I listened, all the while still asking the Lord to reveal that mountain to me...And as always...He was faithful to do it!

The biggest mountain of my life...arrogance.

I am a self-sufficient, arrogant wretch! (duh!) I have been going about my day talking about God, singing to God, talking at God, but NOT surrendering to Him every minute of every day...I have been stiff-necked and rebellious...I wanted to be the one who decided where each minute of my day went...I wanted to be the one who performed miraculous deeds (decluttering this huge house in a day)...I wanted to be the one who moved mountains.

There it was...clear as day! So, to my knees I went!

Lord, please forgive me! You are THE ONLY ONE who can move mountains! I surrender my everything to You and I ask You to teach me Your ways, O Lord.

Well, the clutter is still here...and so is my extra weight...I didn't have a quiet time yet today, and my cycle is still out of whack. BUT GOD, in His infinite kindness, has allowed me to be freshly aware that His grace is sufficient for me, and that it is not about my happiness, but my holiness. It would make me happy to wake up this morning with everything changed just the way I want it...but that wouldn't aid me in becoming more holy...so, I plug along...trusting His ways...leaning on His understanding...and anticipating the day when I look back and see that HE alone was glorified through my life and this process.

Please continue to pray for my parents salvation...and my weight, clutter and cycle...but most of all pray that I will continue to surrender ALL to Him.

I stand, as always, amazed by His grace...

More Than Conquerors...

I don't know about you, but this was the image that came to mind when I thought about being a conqueror. Maybe it's my age, or maybe it's my movie-saturated upbringing...but when I thought "conqueror" I pictured Rocky Balboa, reaching the top of those steps in Philadelphia.

Think about it...He was the least likely candidate for anything. He used the wrong words, he did the wrong things, he wasn't the smartest guy around, he was from the wrong side of the tracks, and his days consisted of blood, sweat and tears.

BUT! In the end he wins the fight and gets the girl! He more than conquered his obstacles, until he reached victory.

So...why am I posting about this guy on my blog dedicated to the faithfulness of God? Because Rocky's story is a sad imitation of MY story. And, perhaps, yours.

I don't know about you, but my day is chock full of obstacles, waiting to either be overcome or to overcome me. More days than I would like to admit don't end up the way I had hoped...

I've been in a season (yet, again) of God teaching me the art of discipline. Discipline in eating...discipline in getting up each morning...discipline to spend time in His presence...discipline to care for the temple where the Holy Spirit abides and that I have been given stewardship...discipline in managing my household...discipline in training my child in the way she should go...discipline in training my puppy in the way he should go...discipline to complete the things my sweet, wonderful, adorable, grace-filled hubby asks me to do instead of getting distracted OR choosing to do the things I deem as more important...discipline to preach the Gospel to myself...discipline to put on the full armor of God to guard myself from the enemy... Discipline...discipline...discipline...

You see I, like Rocky, am the least likely...but I am the least likely to know a Holy God. I'm from the wrong side of the tracks...I say the wrong things...I do the wrong things...and all the rest. But, unlike Rocky, I don't have a trainer who is along side me, yelling at me, trying to get me to tap in to some inner strength. My Trainer carries me, He whispers lovingly in my ear, assuring me of His care for me. He lives in me, and HE is my strength...there is nothing I can do apart from Him but go my own way!

Discipline is something that will be with each of us all of our earthly days. We never arrive, we are never done!

BUT GOD...always SO kind and gracious...has placed me amongst some AMAZING folks in my NEW church family! I am suddenly surrounded by women who have a burden for me, and I have one for them. I haven't been THIS excited for a long, long time...

SO, two of my new friends (you know who you are!) asked me if I wanted to get together once a week to share with each other and pray for each other about one particular area of our lives...our weight. This is an ongoing battle for me. God has provided different means of grace over the year, and I have seen some success, but I always end up back where I'm headed at the moment. Somehow, I have not managed to make it a lifestyle change that STICKS!

I found myself somewhere between "I'm so excited about this!" and "What's the point, I always lose in the end".

BUT GOD, in His mercy, reminded me of a Scripture He gave me a couple of years ago...Romans 8:31-39:

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be [1] against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. [2] 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I CAN make it to the top of those "stairs" and throw my arms up in the air...Not because I did it, but because GOD did it, and I praise Him with my whole body. I CAN do the work He calls me to do because He provides me with ALL I need!

Wow. That all just hit me...pretty weighty, I must say! =D

What area has God called you to be more disciplined in? I'd love to pray for you, so let me know what you're going through!

Amazed by His grace,

Colleen

Fern and Bamboo...

A friend sent this story to me today...

One day I decided to quit…I quit my job, my relationship, my spirituality…. I wanted to quit my life. I went to the woods to have one last talk with God.

“God”, I said. “Can you give me one good reason not to quit?”

His answer surprised me.

“Look around”, He said. “Do you see the fern and the bamboo?”

“Yes”, I replied.

“When I planted the fern and the bamboo seeds, I took very good care of them. I gave them light. I gave them water. The fern quickly grew from the earth. Its brilliant green covered the floor. Yet nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

In the second year the fern grew more vibrant and plentiful. And again, nothing came from the bamboo seed. But I did not quit on the bamboo.

“In year three there was still nothing from the bamboo seed. But I would not quit. The same in year four.

“Then in the fifth year, a tiny sprout emerged from the earth. Compared to the fern, it was seemingly small and insignificant.

But just six months later, the bamboo rose to over 100 feet tall. It had spent the five years growing roots. Those roots made it strong and gave it what it needed to survive. I would not give any of my creations a challenge it could not handle.

“Did you know, my child, that all this time you have been struggling, you have actually been growing roots? I would not quit on the bamboo. I will never quit on you.

“Don’t compare yourself to others.” He said. “The bamboo had a different purpose than the fern. Yet they both make the forest beautiful.

“Your time will come”, God said to me. “You will rise high”

“How high should I rise?” I asked.

“How high will the bamboo rise?” He asked in return.

“As high as it can?” I questioned

“Yes.” He said, “Give me glory by rising as high as you can.”

I left the forest, realizing that God will never give up on me. And He will never give up on you.

What an amazing perspective...I'm so glad the Lord made me bamboo! Lord, may I rise all the days of my life for the glory of Your Name!

A moment of reflection...

Then shall the young women rejoice in the dance,
and the young men and the old shall be merry.
I will turn their mourning into joy;
I will comfort them, and give them gladness for sorrow.

Jeremiah 31:13

How this speaks to my heart today…

Ten years ago today I entered a new season of life. I became a widow. I was 27 years old, I had a 5-month-old baby girl, and the Lord took my husband home. I remember feeling like a hollow shell…somehow filled with peace, but hollow nonetheless.

I remember thinking how kind God was not to make Tony suffer another day, and to end my torment of wondering “when will he die”. I also remember thinking that if I wasn’t married within the year I would die. Not “I don’t want to be single more than a year”, but “I will die because I am not cut out to be a single person”.

God’s kindness has only increased with each day. Here I stand, a decade later, and the person I see in the mirror is not the person I saw that day. Instead of being hollow I am filled to overflowing. Instead of dreading the year to come I am bubbling over with anticipation of what God has in store. And I am more in love with my Savior today than ever.

As for Jeremiah 31:13, I am STILL a young woman, and I am moved to dance for the joy that God has placed in me. He has comforted me, and my mourning has been turned in to joy. I do not regret a single day of the last 10 years, I know that each moment was part of God’s plan to miraculously transform me…to teach me how faithful He is and will continue to be. Lord, please let this good work continue!

Yesterday a friend told me “faith” is a gifting of mine. That alone is a miracle! I was the biggest worry wart when I was a teen and into my 20’s. To be known as a woman of faith is HUGE!

I stand today in faith for what I once thought impossible. I keep my eyes fixed on the Lord to see how HE will make the impossible possible. I feel my face glow as I anticipate Him revealing the next step…I know that whatever it is, He will be glorified through my life and I am so grateful that He would use me, a wretch, for any of His purposes, let alone for His name to be glorified in all the earth! Oh Lord, how kind you are to me!

How about you? Are you rejoicing? Are you dancing? Does your mourning need to be turned into joy? Cry out to God for He is faithful! Whatever circumstance you are in, He is there…and He has a purpose for this season in your life. Be grateful for this time, it won’t last forever, but the fruit of it will!

During our time of worship on Sunday we sang a song that used to be a hope of mine…I have included the lyrics below. This time when we sang the song I realized the words I used to hope to be true in my life are now a reality of mine! Oh, how good God has been to me! I pray that if you are not in the place of these words being a reality in your life that God will bring you to that place! (I know He will!) Here are the lyrics:

So I’m lifting up my hands, I’m lifting up my voice, I’m lifting up Your Name, and in Your grace I’ll rest. For your love has come to me and set me free. I’m trusting in Your Word, trusting in Your cross, trusting in Your blood and all Your faithfulness. For Your power at work in me is changing me.

Amazed by His grace,

Colleen

1 Peter 3:1-7

Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, 2 when they see your respectful and pure conduct. 3 Do not let your adorning be external—the braiding of hair and the putting on of gold jewelry, or the clothing you wear— 4 but let your adorning be the hidden person of the heart with the imperishable beauty of a gentle and quiet spirit, which in God's sight is very precious. 5 For this is how the holy women who hoped in God used to adorn themselves, by submitting to their own husbands, 6 as Sarah obeyed Abraham, calling him lord. And you are her children, if you do good and do not fear anything that is frightening.

7 Likewise, husbands, live with your wives in an understanding way, showing honor to the woman as the weaker vessel, since they are heirs with you [1] of the grace of life, so that your prayers may not be hindered.

I have been thinking a lot lately about who I am...Who I am in Christ, who I was without Him, who He wants me to become...

As I search the depths of my heart I am amazed to find fruit of God's character there. I do not recognize myself...I am surprised to find that the me I knew for so long is no longer the me that I am now. And who I am now is not the me I am becoming because God is still at work!

Are you dizzy yet? Yes, I really do think like this! lol

I am truly amazed at the work God has done and continues to do in my heart. I see more and more that I almost can't believe is really there. I think it's that "imperishable beauty" I hear so much about. In ME!!! Isn't He amazing????

Oh me of little faith, I never thought it was possible! BUT GOD! But God in His goodness IS transforming me into the image of Christ. He is dressing me in robes of righteousness. He is preparing me for the great wedding feast. And, let's be honest, I hope He is also preparing me for a wedding feast here. While is has been the desire of my heart all these 10 years of widowhood (yes, on October 2 it will be 10 years!!!) to be married again "one day", I actually find myself having faith that "one day" may actually come sooner or later!

If you know me, you're laughing at me right now. I know you are! lol It's okay, I'm laughing at me too! How could I not expect "one day" to come when God told me it would??? But, there it is...I did not have faith for it!

Finally believing God will eventually make "one day" a reality is an example of me finally believing (in my heart) what I say I believe (in my head). I know, I know, it took me long enough! Well, better late than never! heehee

Marriage is only one area that God has given me faith for lately. I have more and more faith that I am fearfully and wonderfully made and that "Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life, and I shall dwell in the house of the Lord forever." (Psalm 23:6) Again, things I have said I believe, but only now do I feel that I OWN them. Isn't He so good?

Lord, thank You for Your faithfulness to mold me into the image of Christ! Thank You for the trials and suffering that have produced good fruit! Thank You for Your great kindness to me! Lord, may I continue to submit myself to Your good work and see Your glory proclaimed in all the earth through my life.

In the meantime, I want to invest in who I am today...the bride of Christ. As the Lord has been so faithful to be my husband, I want to be faithful in being His bride. I found an excerpt from a book on the girltalk blog that I have already ordered from Amazon. I want to cultivate more of that imperishable beauty in my heart and this book seems to be a tool to be used toward that end.

Here's the excerpt:

“But sisters, the man who will make for you a healthy, tender, passionate, enduring, mutually fulfilling life partner is a man who prizes faith and integrity in himself and goes weak in the knees at your inner beauty too. This beauty ages well—it is an ‘imperishable beauty.’ It is this beauty that men see and appreciate as you grow through the seasons of life.” (p. 128, Doing Things Right)

I don't just want men to see and appreciate it, I want God to see and appreciate it. After all, HE is my faithful Audience of One. I want to do things right in matters of the heart based upon His Word for His glory alone!

Thanks for coming along for the ride!