Psalm 139

Have you been through Psalm 139 lately? Or ever? I first read it in the fall of 1997 because someone pointed out "it's about how God knows you because He fashioned you".

For 12 years this has probably been the most comforting passage of Scripture to me. No matter where I go, no matter what I do, God is there. Whether I'm sick or in pain, God knows every fiber of my being...and He is there. Whether I know what the next step is or not...He is there. "Your love hems me in both behind and before...You have laid Your hand upon me..." Sorry, broke out in song there for a moment. ("Your Hand Upon Me", by Eric Grover, recorded on "No Greater Love CD by Sovereign Grace Music.)

Lately I have felt like a pumpkin thrown into a heap with all the other pumpkins...just rolling around wherever the sway of the pumpkin cart takes me. But the truth is, that even in a heap of pumpkins, to God I am unique! I stand out to Him because He knows me...He made me...And He is the Farmer who grew the pumpkins and put them in the cart, and is causing the sway! Do you know of any farmers who would cause their crop to be ruined? No! Of course not! That would be ridiculous!

You know what this means, don't you?

Even though the rolling around may FEEL uncomfortable...I can trust the Farmer. And so can you!

So, whether it's an impending unknown move...a seemingly wayward child...an actual wayward child...physical ailments that no one can seem to figure out...your baby going off to college...a baby you want but haven't conceived...or too much month at the end of your paycheck, you can trust God! If you are His, His hand is upon you!

Whatever you are struggling with...take it to God...read through Psalm 139...it will all come in to perspective! And then...

REJOICE!

The Yankees and The Rebels

It's SO not what you might think! lol

It actually is from a recent joke make in our yard. Some new friends of ours, who we met through Karate, were over last night to look at the apartment over our barn. You know, the one my parents were "supposed" to move into months ago. Well, my mom was recently moved to a nursing home near their home, and we have now found out that she has been SO HORRIBLY cared for over the last six months in the first nursing home that the new nursing home can't even think about rehabilitation until they get her healed. (She has several wound areas as a result of the first nursing home...and she's diabetic...you do the math.) SO, my parents won't be here any time soon - that we know of - and we have the vacant apartment.

Our friends have sold their house and while they're waiting on the Lord to direct their next long-term step they're going to be our tenants! Everyone in our house is pretty excited about it! (We'll see how long they stay excited when Miss Kim starts getting Mommy up at 5am to workout! Which, by the way, Mommy is SO excited about! Miss Kim is a certified personal trainer don't ya know!)

SO, we will have a family of four (there are two boys) and their two teeny tiny dogs living in the apartment, or as we say around here "living in the barn". Needless to say, this helps us out, and we hope it will be a blessing to our friends as well. And maybe, I can't help but wonder, God has a reason for putting two boys in Brianna's life and backyard...like maybe there will be two boys of our own one day! I hope I hope! =D

In the meantime, feel free to rejoice with us in this season of God's continued provision for us. And, please pray! We have A LOT of reorganizing to do in our house, to move in some things from the storage area as well as the barn, in order to make room for our friends. And, did I mention we're leaving on Thanksgiving for Atlanta for the weekend??? Yes, our friends will be moving in while we're away! So please pray for them as well.

And, if you're in the neighborhood stop by! We can surely find you something to do! Uh, is that what I meant? I'll say "We'd love to introduce you to our friends!" =D

Oh, I almost forgot the joke! You see our house sits north on the property...and the barn is south on the property. So it was a big joke last night that we're the yankees and they're the southerns and they'll have to work on their southern drawl. (David is the only real southerner of the four us.) And this morning at karate we were joking about Kim coming up to the big house when she needs something...

We're having fun already! =D

Isn't God SO faithful? He does what He says He will do...EVERY TIME!

Philippians 4:19: "And my God will supply every need of yours according to his riches in glory in Christ Jesus."

More Than Conquerors...Again...

I stand AMAZED at God's thoroughness!

Only a week and a half ago I posted "More than Conquerors"...A recurring theme the Lord keeps bringing about in my life the past 2-1/2 years...and here it is again!

Okay, so to make a short story, which I would turn in to a very, very long story, hopefully a lot shorter than I'm capable of, here's what happened over the last few days that led up to what God did in my heart YESTERDAY.

We went to see family over this past "holiday" weekend. We left Thursday afternoon headed for our final destination: Ozark, Alabama. (YES, they REALLY let me go there!) Along the way we stopped in Marianna, FL for dinner with Uncle Zack and Aunt Juanita (who I LOVE to pieces! even though I had only met them once before...at my wedding!) They invited us to come back Saturday night for Aunt Juanita's birthday party and to sleep over and go with them to church on Sunday. Which, we agreed to do!

We went on to Ozark...And Dothan...We visited grandparents, cousins, Aunt Judy, friends of David's from college, and dear friends, Rodney and Susan.

Okay, side note...Rodney has a horse and TWO llamas! YES! Llamas! Brianna got to ride the horse, Breeze, and the llamas followed me all around because they were SO curious about Maverick (our amazing puppy). But best of all, we had a WONDERFUL time of Biblical fellowship...ending with prayer...including prayer for God to give us a baby! Okay, so we get in the car and I turn to David and I say "We are SO gonna get pregnant!" Did I mention how much I love Rodney and Susan????

Saturday night we made it to Marianna fine, although later than we wanted to...and mostly just visited a little then got settled and went to bed.

So, of all the wonderful qualities Uncle Zack has, one of them is that he cooks breakfast every Sunday morning for his church! We went and ate the most delicious breakfast I have ever had...well, maybe with the exception of that french toast I had in Haiti last year...

And while we ate Uncle Zack sat and talked with us. Some how or other the Lord brought the conversation around to the topic of clutter. Uncle Zack asked me if I was a neatnick or a pack rat. I briefly, no REALLY, briefly shared that I grew up in clutter and chaos and that for the last 10 years of so the Lord had taken me through a process of changing me...so much so that I became a professional organizer for a season. And that right now I'm really struggling with the fact that we live in such a cluttered, chaotic state because I am SO afraid of going back to where I was...

I did also share that clutter of the home had physical, mental and spiritual implications. (Physical: I can't get out of my own way, AND the number on the scale is going up and up. Mental: I'm overwhelmed! Spiritual: I find myself not living Proverbs 3:5-6. "Trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge Him and He will make your path straight." )

About then, the Sunday School teacher got up to teach...and the gist of his message was: Are you radiating Christ?

If you know me, you know this hit home!

I was already starting to fidget! Lord! I want to radiate Christ! I want to GLOW with Your Holy Spirit! Have I been radiating lately? What would be hindrances? ...CLUTTER! Not clutter of the home, but clutter of my heart! Which, of course led to clutter of my home...Which in turn was an obstacle to focusing on time with the Lord each day...which in turn rendered me useless for anything! Yes, that good 'ole vicious circle again!

But, circle or no circle, the Lord knew what the true root of the problem was...and I began to ask Him to reveal it to me.

Then came the worship service...Let me just say this...God knew EXACTLY where he wanted me that morning, and it was at Christian Center Church with Uncle Zack and Aunt Juanita!

Let me take a moment to say that Aunt Juanita is not only one of THE MOST beautiful women I have EVER seen...she is literally the peace of God in the flesh! Just being near her is refreshing!

Okay, back to the worship service...We spent a lot of time worshipping to one song "Mighty to Save", which talked about the Savior being able to move mountains, being mighty to save, being the author of Salvation...

At first I thought the mountain was my parents' salvation...and it certainly is a mountain that I cannot move...but HE can.

But after ending the song Pastor Jack stepped up and said we're going back to it. We sang it over and over...and the tears began to flow...and flow...and flow...My parents' salvation wasn't the biggest mountain I had been trying to move...But what was it? My weight? My clutter? My missing menstrual cycle that has prohibited us from getting pregnant? No...these are just symptoms of the real sickness...

We transitioned into the message...and, believe it or not I promise it's true...Pastor Jack taught about being more than conquerors! YES, he really did! At that point I just wanted to stand up and thank everyone there for joining me for my personal message from God. lol

I listened, all the while still asking the Lord to reveal that mountain to me...And as always...He was faithful to do it!

The biggest mountain of my life...arrogance.

I am a self-sufficient, arrogant wretch! (duh!) I have been going about my day talking about God, singing to God, talking at God, but NOT surrendering to Him every minute of every day...I have been stiff-necked and rebellious...I wanted to be the one who decided where each minute of my day went...I wanted to be the one who performed miraculous deeds (decluttering this huge house in a day)...I wanted to be the one who moved mountains.

There it was...clear as day! So, to my knees I went!

Lord, please forgive me! You are THE ONLY ONE who can move mountains! I surrender my everything to You and I ask You to teach me Your ways, O Lord.

Well, the clutter is still here...and so is my extra weight...I didn't have a quiet time yet today, and my cycle is still out of whack. BUT GOD, in His infinite kindness, has allowed me to be freshly aware that His grace is sufficient for me, and that it is not about my happiness, but my holiness. It would make me happy to wake up this morning with everything changed just the way I want it...but that wouldn't aid me in becoming more holy...so, I plug along...trusting His ways...leaning on His understanding...and anticipating the day when I look back and see that HE alone was glorified through my life and this process.

Please continue to pray for my parents salvation...and my weight, clutter and cycle...but most of all pray that I will continue to surrender ALL to Him.

I stand, as always, amazed by His grace...

More Than Conquerors...

I don't know about you, but this was the image that came to mind when I thought about being a conqueror. Maybe it's my age, or maybe it's my movie-saturated upbringing...but when I thought "conqueror" I pictured Rocky Balboa, reaching the top of those steps in Philadelphia.

Think about it...He was the least likely candidate for anything. He used the wrong words, he did the wrong things, he wasn't the smartest guy around, he was from the wrong side of the tracks, and his days consisted of blood, sweat and tears.

BUT! In the end he wins the fight and gets the girl! He more than conquered his obstacles, until he reached victory.

So...why am I posting about this guy on my blog dedicated to the faithfulness of God? Because Rocky's story is a sad imitation of MY story. And, perhaps, yours.

I don't know about you, but my day is chock full of obstacles, waiting to either be overcome or to overcome me. More days than I would like to admit don't end up the way I had hoped...

I've been in a season (yet, again) of God teaching me the art of discipline. Discipline in eating...discipline in getting up each morning...discipline to spend time in His presence...discipline to care for the temple where the Holy Spirit abides and that I have been given stewardship...discipline in managing my household...discipline in training my child in the way she should go...discipline in training my puppy in the way he should go...discipline to complete the things my sweet, wonderful, adorable, grace-filled hubby asks me to do instead of getting distracted OR choosing to do the things I deem as more important...discipline to preach the Gospel to myself...discipline to put on the full armor of God to guard myself from the enemy... Discipline...discipline...discipline...

You see I, like Rocky, am the least likely...but I am the least likely to know a Holy God. I'm from the wrong side of the tracks...I say the wrong things...I do the wrong things...and all the rest. But, unlike Rocky, I don't have a trainer who is along side me, yelling at me, trying to get me to tap in to some inner strength. My Trainer carries me, He whispers lovingly in my ear, assuring me of His care for me. He lives in me, and HE is my strength...there is nothing I can do apart from Him but go my own way!

Discipline is something that will be with each of us all of our earthly days. We never arrive, we are never done!

BUT GOD...always SO kind and gracious...has placed me amongst some AMAZING folks in my NEW church family! I am suddenly surrounded by women who have a burden for me, and I have one for them. I haven't been THIS excited for a long, long time...

SO, two of my new friends (you know who you are!) asked me if I wanted to get together once a week to share with each other and pray for each other about one particular area of our lives...our weight. This is an ongoing battle for me. God has provided different means of grace over the year, and I have seen some success, but I always end up back where I'm headed at the moment. Somehow, I have not managed to make it a lifestyle change that STICKS!

I found myself somewhere between "I'm so excited about this!" and "What's the point, I always lose in the end".

BUT GOD, in His mercy, reminded me of a Scripture He gave me a couple of years ago...Romans 8:31-39:

31 What then shall we say to these things? If God is for us, who can be [1] against us? 32 He who did not spare his own Son but gave him up for us all, how will he not also with him graciously give us all things? 33 Who shall bring any charge against God's elect? It is God who justifies. 34 Who is to condemn? Christ Jesus is the one who died—more than that, who was raised—who is at the right hand of God, who indeed is interceding for us. [2] 35 Who shall separate us from the love of Christ? Shall tribulation, or distress, or persecution, or famine, or nakedness, or danger, or sword? 36 As it is written,

“For your sake we are being killed all the day long;
we are regarded as sheep to be slaughtered.”

37 No, in all these things we are more than conquerors through him who loved us. 38 For I am sure that neither death nor life, nor angels nor rulers, nor things present nor things to come, nor powers, 39 nor height nor depth, nor anything else in all creation, will be able to separate us from the love of God in Christ Jesus our Lord.

I CAN make it to the top of those "stairs" and throw my arms up in the air...Not because I did it, but because GOD did it, and I praise Him with my whole body. I CAN do the work He calls me to do because He provides me with ALL I need!

Wow. That all just hit me...pretty weighty, I must say! =D

What area has God called you to be more disciplined in? I'd love to pray for you, so let me know what you're going through!

Amazed by His grace,

Colleen